I stand amazed!

Not in only in who God is, but the strength that has come from sorrow and the new birth of life out of death. Yesterday was a day that was feared by me for the last year because of the decision of ending a precious life-my buddy and faithful dog Nutmeg...yes, was it hard this morning not hearing his tail wapping against the floor or how quiet the house seemed..and then there was our little girl Dakota. She is wondering what is happening and at the same time staying next to me. What a comfort that God has placed Dakota in our home when I need a fuzzy to rub a head and love on. God knows beyond the details of our needs before they happen. It is even more amazing to see that this huge burden of concern and heartache has been lifted and didn't even realize how consuming it had become in taking care of my aging buddy. It was like laying our lives down to make sure that we cared to the end for a gift that God had entrusted us with. How much more should we value life and the little things.

As I stood in the bathroom, I brought in the CD player and from Hillsongs just placed on repeat-THIS IS HOW WE OVERCOME....just praising God...began to pray out in the shower for the community around where we live. This was triggered by the benediction that I did on Monday for Memorial Day in town. I was impressed by God to go after markers of remembrance. Looking into Joshua 3 & 4 to the flag as our legacy of remembrance. I went after it with what I knew God was speaking into my heart. People came up to me saying: "Thank you for saying the name of Jesus in this valley again." "Thank you for giving the Word of God without thinking who you would offend or being political." These statements are playing over and over again and came out in my prayer life. God is beginning to do something in the midst of losing my buddy, giving unmeasurable strength as I have to walk threw the high school doors were people are watching how I walk out my last days towards that graduation line with the kids...I am determined to stand when life changes without warning....that one will come to know a Savior. That God opens only the door that I can not see in my small view of things....it's something when our view changes when we give it all up or life comes way to fast to keep us in control- then out of that out of controllness- God takes hold and says ....'thank you, you let go of the control. I know that you are tired, weary and broken, but watch what I'm going to do....just keep walking everyday and draw near to me.

My heart is stirred for a community where Jesus needs to be heard. Where Jesus needs to be spoken. It's time to finish our dining room for the re-birth of open dinner nights and here we come Jesus with Tuesday Night Bible Study....I got to bake those cookies for the neighbors and invite them one by one to come on in....make that sign....it's time to begin again!

 I have just come up for air....

It's all in a bag...

God gave me this illustration this past week as working through a course I'm involved in call; "Moving Beyond Your Past." Incredible and very stirring to the point of the brokenness that I have felt needs to be surrendered over to God. Sometimes when we are broken, we don't heal the right way, and when surrender comes, God has to re-break us so God can set that area for a true healthy healing. Brokenness many times maybe seen as areas of failure, crushed in spirit and things of life that have broken you. In the midst of this and feeling for the last year that I had failed when I stepped down from ministry. This has broken me over and over again, tears flow and then you begin to walk.

God began to show me the areas of this brokenness as like a person being homeless and carrying all that they had in a little bag and not willing to place it down or hand it over to anyone. It was all they had left of importance. I don't know if you have ever been a mission serving meals or ministering in a shelter, but sometimes a person will hold onto that bag while they are eating and never let it go or let anyone near it. It is their world or what is left of it. My brokenness is my bag that God was showing me. It was mine and I didn't want to hand it to anyone, even if they were the keeper of the safe. This means admitting that I have to let go and let God take the control of the brokenness, not claiming it as my own any longer. Surrender is a handing over, releasing my fears, hurts, pains, frustrations, disappoints and huge-failure to God. It is saying I can no longer do it on my own....hmmmm.....WOW.....God never wanted me to just handle it or work it out....such a trap of the enemy because then our reliance isn't on God, but ourselves. It is God's for the working out and on....let me get over myself and get on with surrendering this 'bag' to God.

Fingers are prying open...the grip has been strong....and the bag is being let go... by me being in control....I'm not inwardly at home with God.